Buzzing with excuses

Since the humiliation of Monday evening, the insults and excuses from limp-wristed Tech fans have been flying like greasy tater tots in a middle school lunchroom. We here at FPJ believe that there are no excuses for this year's substandard play, and that it is merely a portent of similar seasons to come. Or to put it another way, as Coach Johnson would so glibly mutter, "It is what it is." Here we review some of the more remarkable cop-outs which have emerged in the last 48 hours, and refute them easily with our typical wit and dexterity.

Johnson outfoxes Navy, Illinois St., secures commits

It's been a busy time of year for those of us at the Fire Paul Johnson blog. Since we were last with you, Coach Paul Johnson has managed to obtain two big-time commitments from Starr's Mill High School running back Zach Laskey and projected linebacker Tyler Marcordes from Illinois. Both players were hotly pursued, and together represent what surely must be an earth-shattering coup for Georgia Tech's 2011 recruiting class.

Laskey's offers? Well let's just say he's a very "serviceable" young man... Mr. Laskey chose Tech despite fervent overtures from Air Force and the Naval Academy, reaffirming GT's rightful place at the pinnacle of service academy athletics.

Marcordes was an even more impressive get: He was actually pursued by a BCS school! In fact he scored TWO offers from FBS programs-- Illinois and Northern Illinois! Rounding out his impressive recruitment were highly provocative flirtations with Illinois St. and SoCon power Furman. Marcordes had in fact previously committed to Furman, then changed his commitment to Illinois, and now has changed his commitment to Georgia Tech. It goes without saying that this is A-OK with Coach Johnson, as Marcordes "probably" didn't have the same kind of agreement with those schools as he now has with Tech, though Johnson is not going to check.

Of course with these commitments followed the usual assurances from Johnson toadies that Laskey and Marcordes may not have stars or great offers but are "naturals," and that they had seen film on them or had seen them in person and that they were "real football players." Oh, and don't forget about measurables too. It goes without saying Marcordes is a "perfect Al Groh" kind of linebacker who just needs a little seasoning. Further, some have even suggested that Coach Johnson intentionally recruited the obscure Laskey precisely to be a "three carry a game" type of player who as a bonus might be dynamite on special teams. What foresight by the genius of the "Spread Option"!

Do any of the top programs recruit players with plans for them to play special teams or be a 3rd string backup? Does Nick Saban recruit players committed to Middle Tennessee because he thinks they might bring good effort on the punt coverage team? Of course not, because that would be a wasted scholarship. The bottom line is that Tech should NEVER be recruiting against the likes of Navy and Illinois St. And so does Tech find itself today two steps closer to Coach Johnson's guiding vision of bringing Annapolis-style service academy football to the deep south.

Johnsons's latest recruiting masterpieces:

Name	Rivals	Scout	ESPN	Offers
Zach Laskey	2 stars	2 stars	2 stars	Navy, Air Force
Tyler Marcordes	3 stars	2 stars	1 star	IL, NIU, IL St., Furman

A Public Service Message

One of the more enduring "misnomers"(as Coach Johnson would put it) of the Paul Johnson era has been that he possesses some kind of magical ability to judge talent which is fortuitously not owned by any other coach in the major collegiate ranks.

For you see, Paul Johnson knows football. He really knows it. While Superman has X-Ray Vision, and Spiderman his "Spidey Sense," Coach Johnson, with what we can only speculate to be some kind of tingling or burning sensation in his ample busom, can deftly recognize unheralded future All-Americans to whom only FCS and mid-major schools have offered scholarships.

Case in point: 2011 commit Broderick Snoddy, who of course projects to the program's dingy utility closet, the "A-back" position. Amidst what was surely a throwdown on the recruiting trail, Mr. Snoddy chose Georgia Tech over Sun Belt titan Middle Tennessee and FCS schools Delaware, Georgia Southern, and Jacksonville State. It goes without saying then that he must be a late-blooming Diamond in the Rough with super measurables and impressive high school stats whom the elite schools were "just starting" to recruit. I mean, who cares if other FBS schools didn't see fit to offer Broddy Snoddy a scholarship? They aren't coached by The Man With the Magical Blubbery Bust. In CPJ We Trust.